Morbid jokes
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
My ex-girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus driver's license.
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
Orphans only have 363 days because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.