Morbid jokes
I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.
Um.
Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
My ex-girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus driver's license.
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
Orphans only have 363 days because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day.