Morbid jokes

What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?

Finger-food.

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor? You nail its other hand to the floor.

I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔

I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."

I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.

What did the doctor say to the Chinese patient? "Sum ting wong."

What are the best shooting ranges in America?

Schools.

What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.

What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?

Heads and shoulders.

There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.

How many are hungry?

A. 10

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?

Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.

How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?

Open a pizza shop 🍕

I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...

So, two kids argued and insulted each other.

KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"

KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."

I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in. He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

What do you call an African American pilot?

A pilot, you racist bastard!