Morbid jokes

Where did daddy cum in the bed?...

Everywhere!

Look over there, I say to a man... he was blind. /ratio /bozo /ratio

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

What do Nemo and my dad have in common?

They both can't be found.

Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.

What do you call a bunch of Muslims in a bath?

A bath bomb.

I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.

Um.

Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.

My ex-girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus driver's license.

I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.

How do you know someone is going to die?

He can't stop coughing. (coffin)

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"

Why was the broom late? Because it had overslept.

What do you call an opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.

Why can't you trust the atom? 'Cause they make up everything.

What is something that smells yuck? 🤮

Old bus seats.

What is a tree that does not exist?

A money tree.