Morbid jokes
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?
He doesn't get consent; he just uses the force.
Where did daddy cum in the bed?...
Everywhere!
Look over there, I say to a man... he was blind. /ratio /bozo /ratio
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
What do Nemo and my dad have in common?
They both can't be found.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
What do you call a bunch of Muslims in a bath?
A bath bomb.
I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.
Um.
Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
My ex-girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus driver's license.
I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
Why was the broom late? Because it had overslept.
What do you call an opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.
Why can't you trust the atom? 'Cause they make up everything.