Morbid jokes
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
What do you call a bunch of Muslims in a bath?
A bath bomb.
I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.
Um.
Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
My ex-girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus driver's license.
I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
Why was the broom late? Because it had overslept.
What do you call an opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.
Why can't you trust the atom? 'Cause they make up everything.
What is something that smells yuck? 🤮
Old bus seats.
What is a tree that does not exist?
A money tree.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
Lol, these jokes have been heard millions of times.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.