Mom's jokes

My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.

She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

“It’s because God made you special,” she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.

What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.

My mom was 19 when she was pregnant with me, My mom was 39 when she was pregnant by me!!!

Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

Kenny was into incest until his mom died.

Now he's into necrophilia.

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”

Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."