Mom jokes
Mom: Son, did you go to school?
Son: What if I said yes?
Mom: You are in school! *slap*
Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.
Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(
Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.
Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!
Son: Good.
Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?
If you like it, please commit down.
Mom: Son, get up for school.
Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.
If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.
Me: *in a family meeting*
Mom: Ok guys...
Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.
Me: MOM, I'm tired.
Mom: Take a nap.
Me: No, I can't sleep if Dad isn't here.
Mom: *hangs picture of dad on her room wall* Well, now you can.
Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?
Son: No, I got 1k already.
Mom: Wait, what, how?
Son: Mom's wallet is magic.
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."
My mom died.
I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.
My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"
Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?
Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?
Son: Mom, what is money made of?
Mom: Paper.
Son: Where does paper come from?
Mom: . . .
Your mom wants to tell you that you're adopted, but you were an orphan.
So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.