Mom jokes

The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.

The other day my mom called me a retard.

I'm now an orphan.

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

Your mom wants to tell you that you're adopted, but you were an orphan.

So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

Son: Daddy?

Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy? You're 11 years old, feminine gay hoe.

Son: Whoa!? Daddy, what's that?

Dad: Wtf are you talking about?

Son: Your dick has gotten more tastier?

Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc

Dad: Oh nope, I'm not having a gay hoe's fiend in my house, no quit looking at my dick, you need some pussy.

Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz

Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em

Mom: What the fugde is going on?

Dad: Our son's a gay bitch.

Mom: Language! So? I need to teach him how to like a girl huh?

Dad: Yes Ma'am, plz.

Mom: Okay. Herman, get your gay ass in my bed but naked, I'll be there in 10.

Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!??

Mom: Quit cursing, I'm gonna fuck u extra hard!!

Son: Ewww, I'm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww.

Mom: Shut it!!!, or I'm gonna recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies (pussy naked)* and show this to ur gay fuck friends!

Son: Huh

Son: Mom FUCK U*

Mom: Okay baby I'm gonna fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off

Son: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

Son: Moms are the worst, are they?

Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

Why can’t orphans f*ck their mom?

Because they don’t have one.

Ur Granny, tranny.

Ur Dad, lesbian.

Ur Mom, gay.

Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.

Your mom is so fat, she can't make it through the door.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

What did the orphan say to his mom?

Where are you?

The only people who do yo mama jokes wish they had a mom.

Why did Mom cross the road?

To kill you!

Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?

Are you kidding me?!?

There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.

I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.