Mom jokes
Leo: Mom?
Mom: Yes!
Leo: Is rape good?
Mom: NO!
Leo: Good cause I raped someone!
Mom: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.
Yo forehead so angled, your mom could walk up.
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.
Your mom is ugly.
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.
Teacher: Who?
Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!
Mom! (DYM 3)
Hey guys, starting tomorrow, I will put one letter of the "doin your mom" song every day. Can I finish the song?
Also, I might be in Fortnite, hehehehehe.
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
Your mom is so ugly Biden likes her.
Why does your mom hate you?
Because you are a loser.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
Orphan: I fucked your mom.
Kid: At least mine survived from it.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭