Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!
In memory of Michael Jackson, various ice cream companies are introducing the Jackson Chocolate ice cream. It is either 50 year old cream mixed in with 10 year old nuts, or 7 year old vanilla ice cream with 50 year old chocolate drizzled on 4 year old tiny nuts.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
I don’t call it special ED, I call it mixed vegetables.
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
What do you get when you mix a 737 and 767?
A 797.
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
What do you get when you mix a fly and a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny!
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
