Misunderstanding jokes

Woman: "I want coffee, black."

Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"

Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?

To take care of his erectile dysfunction.

I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.

My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange?" I said: "No it doesn't."

Yo mama so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet. The student recited the alphabet: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz". "Where's the p?" He looked down to the floor and said: "it's running down my legs".

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"

Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."

Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."

Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?

"Get off me homes."

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"

Mom: "No you can't..."

Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"

lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.

An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.

The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."

The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."