Misinterpretation jokes

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.

"Would you like to play the rape game?"

"No wtf" she replied.

"That's the spirit!"

Q: What does LMAO mean?

A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."