Miscellaneous jokes
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
How do you confuse Helen Keller? You rearrange the furniture and glue doorknobs to the walls.
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone-appetit!
19 and 20 had a fight. 21.
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
you.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."