What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
How do you confuse Helen Keller? You rearrange the furniture and glue doorknobs to the walls.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.