Miscellaneous jokes
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?
What's the difference between cars and grass?
They both have wheels, except for the grass.
How do you know someone is fucking dumb?
They put jokes that have been used several times already.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
I'm dead inside.
Stroke victims are my heroes.
My favorite is Louis C.K.
I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
Why am I naughty?
Because I want to be....
"Penis equals power, pussy equals wussy."
So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and go, "What happened?"
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
Opponent fist attacks your face, no you can not activate a trap card.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Nobody:
Me: "Nobody:" "Me:"