Mental Health jokes
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
Wanna come hang out with me?
Why does a leaf fall faster than an Emo?
The Emo hangs himself.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.
Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.
Except my depression.
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."
I'm made with depression and extra anxiety, then a side of gay and a sprinkle of emo.
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.