Mental Health jokes

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.

Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.

Suicide is never the answer.

Suicide is the question.

The answer is yes.

I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

Brother:......

Can't wait to meet you!

So join the Depression family!

We open real soon!

Try best to hold onto sanity!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

I wish my hair was depressed.

Cause then it would cut itself.

Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

Friend 2: Pizza.

Friend 3: Donuts.

Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

A depresso espresso.

JK.

It's cyanide.