Medicine

Medicine Jokes

Painkiller

There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.

Fetish

What is a similarity between priests and doctors?

They both have fetishes for their professions.

Pregnancy

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

Tylenol

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

Cancer

Doctor: "What's your zodiac sign?"

Patient: "Cancer?"

Doctor: "What a coincidence."

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  • Therapist

    I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.

    Doctor: Oh, I see.

    Me: Ahhhh!!!!!

    Doctor

    A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.

    The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”

    “Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”

    “Ten,” says the doctor.

    “What, years? Months?!”

    “Nine...”

    Kidney

    If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!

    Dick

    Bobby had 54 dicks (54).

    He took 33 pills a month (5433).

    Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).

    (Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!

    Humour

    What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?

    It's funnier when kids get it.