Meat jokes
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.
What's a gay person's favorite meal?
Meat with white sticky stuff.
What's the song that plays at the very end of the movie, Dr. Strangecow, during the montage of nuclear blasts?
"Veal meat again, don't know where, don't know when..."
What is the similarity between women and freezers?
We like to put our meat in them.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
What do you call a lazy piece of meat?
A meatloaf.
If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.
How do you quiet a baby down?
Make baby back ribs for dinner.
My name is Bob, and I am a cow.
My grandfather was a knight, and his name was Sir Loin.
What did the butcher say to the pig?
Nice to meat you.
I'm not gay, dick.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
What do you call an infant with no legs?
Ground beef.
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.