Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
"in chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king"
I mean yea the chess board looks like kitchen floor so-
i love telling jokes about orphans. i mean what are they going to do about it tell their parents?
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean the one I fucked died.
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
Why are so many people mean to orphans?
They can’t cry to their parents.
Just 'cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I want you. I’m shocked anyone would.
What does LMAO mean? Launching Missiles At Orphanages.
If you're reading this, then your life means nothing...
Have a nice day! 🙂😊
I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.
And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?
Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?
A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.
My friend: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: O B C D.
I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
The name Brynley means "burnt wood" lolololol.
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
