ME jokes

We were so poor my dad would give me a penny not to eat supper.

I'd put it under my pillow and while I was sleeping, he would come in and take it. In the morning, he would holler at me for losing the penny.

Why did my mother buy me a Honda? She knows I can't move, so she pushed my wheelchair with me in it into the ocean. I survived just by a second, but a shark got my wheelchair, fucking bitch.

Friend, your mum's fat.

Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.

What does a pillow say when you live for a week? "Don't forget me!"

What do you call a magic car that I can do to help me out for you and I will be doing a great day?

So this guy we talked to wanted me to leave forever, and we said, "What? You never want to hear from me again?"

"Kill yourself."

"Kill me yourself, pussy."

Mother: We need to talk about sex...

Jason: Oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.

Jason had a big whooping from his mother and big spanking from his dad.

One day I was eating a banana, and one my friend was eating in the balcony, so I threw my banana on his balcony. He stepped on it, so he got slipped, and one yogi was passing by me, so my friend's banana fell on his head, and he got a very nice shining half-eaten banana choti on his golden smooth head.

There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.

The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”

Someone asked me where to find de wae?

I replied with: Oh, de wea, that's a shop. It's down the road.

@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?

"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."

My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"

Hungry: Dad, I'm hungry.

Dad: Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.

Hungry: Why did you name me like this? :/

"Where are you? [Because you] make me wanna throw up every time I see you."

My friend, what's up?

Me: What's up in space is planets and stars.

Trump can get banned. The cops can tack him to jail, and Trump go go go go bye bye for good. Trump is meing.

Do you like me? Joke... Well come on!

BOOMSHACKALATA!