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A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.

I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...

Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?

Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.

Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!

Me: You can't kick me out.

Manager: Why not? Huh?

Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.

It was pornography class, and there was a break.

Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...

Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!

Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?

Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...

Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Teacher: Where's the D?

Adult 2: Inside me...

  • 0

    • Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.

    Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.

    Me: "/"

    On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

    J0K35 (me): So I heard China recently released a snack.

    Guy: Oh, what is it?

    J0K35: They call it the Asian Raisin.

    Guy: Isn't that what RiceGum was when he released Frick da police?

    Dumb kid: What does homework mean?

    Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?

    Me:

    "Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"

    Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.

    Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

    And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.

    So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

    Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

    He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

    He then told me how easy would that be?

    I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."

    Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*

    Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^

    Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*

    Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"

    Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."

    Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."

    Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

    I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...

    Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

    My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

  • 6

    • Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."

    Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."

    Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."

    Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"

    Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"

    Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."

    Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."

    Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."

    Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"

    Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."

    Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦

    My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

    Him: How do you break things?

    Me: You break things up.

    Him: Okay.

    Me: Is everything okay?

    Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

    A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

    As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

  • 4

    • A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

    As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"