Married Jokes

Why do orphans want to get married so bad?To have someone to call "daddy"

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school." Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?" He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

Mummy how was i born? Mummy replyed well you father and i got married and soon i became fat and you came out and then in out in out and after u did that a millon times u were born

I caught the flowers at a wedding-now married to a hot guy. But then i caught andit at a funeral i kinda nervo...............

Chump obviously wants to divorce Melania and marry Pootin lmfao.

Why do Cantaloupes always get married in the church? Cause they can't elope.

I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married. The things you do for your cousins!

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

r u a marry, cus ur my mother

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet, It's a good thing I'm married...

there's a plane crash every single person died who lived? the married people!

You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible? All of them are married!

Hey my man why you got them damn old stanky looking whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins or boyfriend and girlfriend cause if y'all are go get married in color purple land.