Marriage jokes
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
What do you call Holly and Elenji?
A couple.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”
Before you leave that marriage, remember that one innocent 🐐 goat was killed for your traditional marriage. 😔
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!