A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Why are wives also called a housekeeper? Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
