Market jokes

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.

Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.

"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."

The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.

"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"

Where do you buy cows in bulk?

At the stock market.

Why do orphans go to the market?

To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.

How do cows get their milk? The moo market.

Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.

Friend: I don't know.

Me: A black market.

Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.

Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.

What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?

“Good evening, ladies.”

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?

Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?

I went to the market to get eggs, and my sister thought that I meant my balls.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?

"Hello, ladies!"

If you really think about it, every market in Africa is a black market.

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

Why are there adoption centers? Because it's a market for pedophiles.

For sale: Dead canary.

Not going cheep.