Market jokes

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.

Friend: I don't know.

Me: A black market.

What store has the most vegetables?

A nursing home.

I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.

What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?

“Good evening, ladies.”

Did you know every market in Africa is a black market?

What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?

Nothing, they both crashed.

Why do orphans go to the market?

To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.

Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.

"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."

The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.

"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?

It becomes a flee market.

Why are there adoption centers? Because it's a market for pedophiles.

Name a shop that racists don’t go to? The black market.

Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.

How do cows get their milk? The moo market.

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.