Market Jokes

What store has the most vegetables?

A nursing home.

I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.

What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?

“Good evening, ladies.”

Did you know every market in Africa is a black market?

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

Why do orphans go to the market?

To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.

What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?

Nothing, they both crashed.

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?

It becomes a flee market.

Why are there adoption centers? Because it's a market for pedophiles.

Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.

How do cows get their milk? The moo market.

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

Your mom is so fat when she skipped a meal, the whole stock market crashed.

Your mom is so fat she tripped, and I didn’t even laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Saw that shit on Roblox.

I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"

A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.

He yells, "Hello ladies!"

Name a shop that racists don’t go to? The black market.