Market jokes

What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?

It becomes a flee market.

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"

A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.

He yells, "Hello ladies!"

I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?

What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?

"Hello, ladies!"

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

Your mom is so fat when she skipped a meal, the whole stock market crashed.

Your mom is so fat she tripped, and I didn’t even laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Saw that shit on Roblox.

I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?

“Good evening, ladies.”

Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?

I went to the market to get eggs, and my sister thought that I meant my balls.

A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:

Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.

Why do orphans go to the market?

To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.

Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.

Friend: I don't know.

Me: A black market.

Did you know every market in Africa is a black market?

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!