Man jokes
The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?
They both take it in the back and go woop woop.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
What do Pac-Man and Olaf have in common?
They are both gay.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
What position would a man with no legs and arms play in baseball?
Home base.
What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.