Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
What do you call 6 gay men in WW2?
Rainbow Six Siege.
Man from 2001 just called. They want a tower back.
Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!
What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?
They can blow themselves up.
Women will always be superior to men. After all, they are FEmale (Fe - iron, male - man).
Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
Harry Potter is a movie about a grown adult man with an unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
"The naked man fears no pickpocket."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
