Man jokes
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.
Why are feminists always against men?
Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.
Why are heterosexual women jealous of gay men?
because gay men can perform fellatio on men better than they can.
Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
What do you call a heterosexual man performing fellatio on another heterosexual man?
Bisexual.
What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?
gay now, heterosexual later.
Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
A cop pulls over an old man.
The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The old man said, "No."
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.