Make jokes
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
You're so clapped that you make Susan Boyle attractive.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Why can't an orphan make a home run in baseball?
Because they have no home to go to.
You're so bent and ugly that you'd make Elton John go straight!
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
And together we will make America great again.
You were never great in the first place.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.
WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
Taco Bell makes you crappy.
My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.
Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
Are you a hotdog stand? 'Cause you make my hotdog stand ;)
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.