Make jokes

I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.

What makes an orphan jump?

A bridge.

(First Person): Knock knock, who's there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, knock knock, who's there, time to make a move, slayin' all then demons and we gotta move in too.

(Second Person): Knock knock, (1st p): who's there, let me talk to you, be careful where you steppin' out cause you ain't bullet proof, knock knock, who's there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didn't come to hoop.

I make weed disappear, what's your superpower?

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

How do you make a trash can leak?

Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.

When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"

Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?

Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.

A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.

I will make a funny joke if you let me be your boyfriend. I'm 19 and I am Russian.

The Titanic movie cost $200 million dollars to make, meanwhile the Titanic ship cost $400 million to construct.

Titanic was made by Paramount and 20th Century Fox. CHEAPSKATES!

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!

I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.

Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.

We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?

Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.

Apparently, rich people have the smallest penises. It makes sense why Bill Gates called it "MicroSoft."