What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!
Try not to <3.
Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?
In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.
Who likes Fortnite? Gwen Stacy is in the game, let's goooooo! I love her!
Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.
Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands! (I love this joke because it never grows old.)
Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?
Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.
Why do orphans love elevators?
They raise people!
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?
At least the mistake was loved.
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Because they have a face not even a mother could love.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.
Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?
