Look

Look jokes

Ghost

    • There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.

    White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

    Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

    Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"

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    • Fight

    • My friend and I got into a fight. I looked straight forward and said, "Look me in my eyes!"

    Pothole

    • Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"

    The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.

    The kid asked him again and so on.

    Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"

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    • Look memes

    Nail

    • *Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

    *Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

    *Me sits down in the chair*

    *Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

    *gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

    *walks out without paying*

    *Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

    *customer:* I told u she would.

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    • String

    • So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

    He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

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    • Pizza

    • You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?

    Boss: You're fired!

    Me: Ok?

    Worker: Why are you fired?

    Me: Oh, you wanna know...

    *shows him the oven with my pizza*

    Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!

    Worker: OH SHIT!!

    Boss: Did you say pizza?

    Me: I sure did!

    *shows boss pizza in oven*

    Me: This hoe black as fuck!

    Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?

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    • Hunter

    • A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room. There they were having a grand ole time until the Rancher’s wife walks in. The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there.” The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke) You’ve never been so right in your life, honey why don’t show our guest your tits.” She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast. After he gets a good gander he says “Nice.” Then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon.” She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny, and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his. Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!” and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.

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    • Body

    • One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

    Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

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    • Chief

    • A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"

    "Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.

    Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."

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    • Bacon

    • One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.

    The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.

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