Look jokes
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
You're snorting cocaine with your buddies. Your eyes are closed, feeling the bliss of drugs, when suddenly something wet touches your nostril. Your buddy Mark stuck his PENIS in your face. You look up at Mark, and he says, "I'm sorry," and runs away, his pants still down.
Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.
If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.
If you looked in the mirror, you would see an ugly person, which is you.
Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?
Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.
Fat: Dang...
Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet?
"You look flushed."
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
Yo hairline be looking like a chicken nugget, headass.
What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!
What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!
What is the state of Texas for? Guns!
What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)
What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!
What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?
What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!
What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)
I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Why did Germany win World War Two? Wait—that's not right... um... excuse me while I look up who won the war...
*disconnected*
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
Two plus two is four. Minus one, that's three, quick maths. Every day, man's on the block. Smoke trees (Ah). See your girl in the park. That girl is a uckers. When the ting went quack-quack-quack You man were ducking (You man ducked). Hold tight, Asznee (My brudda). He's got the pumpy (Big ting). Hold tight, my man (My guy). He's got the frisbee (Few). I trap, trap, trap on the phone Movin' that cornflakes (Uh). Rice Krispies. Hold tight, my girl Whitney (My G). On, on, on, on, on the road doin' 10 toes Like my toes (Like my toes). You man thought I froze. I see a peng girl, then I pose (Chilin'). If she ain't on it, I ghost. Hah, look at your nose (Check your nose, fam). You donut. Nose long like garden hose.
What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
If you want to see what I look like, then pics will be coming soon!
But freshfry, how are you!
Oh, and this is Cassie, aka princess shortie!