Like jokes

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.

I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

What kind of mountain does everyone like?

Mountain Dew!!! Hahah.

We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.

I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.

What noise does Sally like to say? Splat!

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"

Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.

I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?

I hear it hurt like hell.

What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?

Depends...

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.

It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!

I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.

Yo mama so stupid, she thought a donut was dough shaped like a nut.

This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.

But I realized I can't see him. LOL!

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.