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It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

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  • This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.

    But I realized I can't see him. LOL!

    I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

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  • Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.

    How is spinach like anal sex?

    If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

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  • Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

    Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

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  • I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

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  • Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?

    Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!

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  • Women are like tornadoes.

    They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

    What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?

    A vowel movement.