Life Jokes

What the worst thing about committing suicide, You can only do it once

What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself, It wasn't Sooner

What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal???

LIFE

What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.

Grandma: young people your age are married by now,why aren’t you?

Me: old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?

Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆

What made me laugh?

The fact that my life is a joke:")

Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))

Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while we was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

I really hate waiting to die..... Its taking a lifetime

What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?

His life insurance...

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . "You little bastard!"

You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end

I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."

And the lord said unto john come forth and you will receive eternal life, but john came fifth and won a toaster

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.