Left Jokes

Anonymous

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you. LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

Anonymous
in Emo

An emo tried to give a tree a hive but it left him haning

HAHA
in Funny
  1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

  1. What is fast, loud and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

  1. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed.

  1. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield.

  1. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!

Anonymous

There are 4 people on a airplane and the pilot has a heart attack and dies the plane is going down and there are also only 3 parachutes so the guy who knows how to cure cancer says I’m jumping I can save many lives the the 46 president joe Biden says I’m take ing the 2 one so there is only one left Donald trump says to the 7 year old girl I have lived a long life u an take the next one so the little girl says that’s ok the 46 president took my back pack.lol

Yeetus

There was once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off while the other one was always happy. This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, “None of these are actually mine and you left me in here all night so I’m angry!” His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was litterally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, “With all of this horse crap their has to be a pony in here somewhere!”

Bad taste family guy

Why did the planes crash into the twin towers ?

Because the cleaner left the landing lights on

Anonymous

three gay guy walk into a bar there is only one stool left, what do they do

they flip the stool over

Mariah
in Blonde

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Anonymous
in Orphan

I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.

xXd......._narwhalXx

Stephen hawking went on a date last night She left after 15 minutes complaining she didn’t like his tone

Anonymous
in Math

Dear algebra, I don’t want to find your X. I don’t know Y she left you.

Anonymous

my dad left me lol

Anonymous

So I left my mom with my baby and I was terrified when I came back in the wheelchair was in the water

Anonymous
in Puns

you know why I have so low IQ? its because the left side of my brain gets nothing right and the right side of my brain has nothing left

Anonymous
in Puns

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room So I said “I guess she wasn’t fealine it” My dad said “you’ve got to be kitten me that was purfect” I said “literally”

Anonymous
in Cow

Where do you find a cow with no legs? right where you left it!!!

An0y1

I tell a man get me a glock 19 he comes back with a glove i was about to shout at him but then i saw a pistol in his pocket so i left and thanked him

Anonymous

My wife left a note on the fridge, the note read “It’s not working” I don’t know what she’s talking about, I opened the fridge and it worked fine!

EatDatP....445

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the fuck out of my dick so god damn hard that I can’t even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels fucking weird when I go and take a piss.

Anonymous
in Trump

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”

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