what did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast his left sholder
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with her left hand? ... She moans with her right
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"
Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, "okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet". Johnny didn't know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mamma, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, "Tommy what's the Second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman". So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma what's the third letter of the Alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, "Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now" - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I'm Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
the parents who left their kids on the side of the road should of thought twice and got abortion
My wife left me and took the kids
three gay guy walk into a bar there is only one stool left, what do they do
they flip the stool over
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her and the owner made her leave.
Sayori: *dies* Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊" MC: "😨"
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross? Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter Vacation.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs? A: they are noticed for 13 years then left for noone to touch again.
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the twin towers he will pop up. Also, my moms great grandpa killed Hitler
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked "What does that mean?"
I said "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
why did the emo kid hate the tree it left him hanging
Guess why alout of orphans were in Home alone because their family left them
Why did the planes crash into the twin towers ?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on
I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body and all that's left I'm afraid is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
