Yo mama so old, when she left the antique shop, the alarm went off
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
They don't have parents because they left when you were 0.
What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?
Answer: Your right elbow.
Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
What did the dad say when he left the lollipop store?
"Cya suckers!đźŤ"
"Left, center, right, and apolitical, also skeptical, are also a joke."
What about women's lefts
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.
Your hairline left you because you were too ugly for your push back hairline.
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
There were four people who went to land... only three returned... Why?
They left someone for memories!
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
