Laughter jokes

People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."

I know it's really, really, really, really bad.

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.

Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?

Because they only gave him one test tickle.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

The boys joking be like:

One guy: "Balls!"

All the other guys: "Hahahahaha!"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

I don't know, but the Twin Towers do.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?

They both can't see their parents.

The only time rape jokes are funny is never.

Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."

Baby: "Lmao, same"

Eggs

You crack me up!

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).

Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.

Me: But you are not standing:)

I have many jokes about unemployed people--sadly, none of them work.

What do you call a joke without a punchline?

Friend 1: Eyyy gurl

Me: Hey! (Fake smile)

Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?

6 hours later

Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?

Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?