Laughter jokes
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Heaven fun over there?
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
I'm autistic, and I find these so funny.
What joke do you tell an orphan?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not your parents.
I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)
*funny joke about dicks*
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
These gags are killing me!
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
Not to be rude or anything, but I'm not adopted. My boyfriend is, and some of these are really mean because sometimes their parents give them up just because they're ugly or just because of their skin color. We should stop making fun of them, and yes, I do giggle sometimes, but they can be really hurtful sometimes.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
What do you call a person on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels!
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."