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Laugh jokes

Decapitation

  • Hi, I...

    Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

    The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

    Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

    Depression

  • Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

    My depression: hey, what's up!

    Me: go away.

    My depression: well how rude.

    Me: 🙄.

    My depression: remember that one time......

    Me: no, don't even.

    My depression: that we.....

    Me: nope.

    My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

    Me: 😳😶😟.

    My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

  • 4
  • CPR

  • I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.

  • 0
  • Forehead

  • Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!

  • 1
  • Tooth

  • A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.

    I don't have any now.

  • 0
  • Bunger

  • Bunger got me like:

    😂 Face with Tears of Joy Emoji - Emojipedia https://emojipedia.org › face-with-tears-of-joy A yellow face with a big grin, uplifted eyebrows, and smiling eyes, each shedding a tear from laughing so hard. Widely used to show something is funny or...

  • 0
  • Threesome

  • I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

    We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

    Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

    "Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

    I said, "Nope, not yet."

    She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

    So she took me to her place.

    She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

    "Mom, are you still awake?"

  • 8
  • Orphan

  • The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"

    Blonde

  • A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

    “Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.

    “No, it’s curry this time.”

  • 1
  • Wish

  • 30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

  • 9
  • Milf

  • I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

    My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

  • 0