I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.
Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!
Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."
Me: "You should be Batman."
Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...
The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."
The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."
The condom just sitting there laughing.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why did I giggle?
Because I saw the ocean's bottom.
Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.
Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.
Joke start.
Punchline!
All these jokes make me laugh to death 💀.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!
What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight............do you think he saw us
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
