Labor jokes
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
What's the only time women are doing real work? When they are giving blow jobs.
Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
What's the difference between orphans and cotton?
Cotton gets picked.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?
Cotton gets picked.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
What do you call a group of children who go on strike?
A minor's strike.
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What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.