Know jokes

Q: How did the skeleton know it would rain? A: He read the weather forecast.

Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!

You know when people say a joke about living?

That's because we are all living a joke.

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home plate is.

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

What is the one word orphans don’t know? Homework.

Why can’t the orphan play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

There are some questionable candies out there, such as:

"All I want is a good Blow Pop."

"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."

"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."

"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."

"Or adopt Three Musketeers."

"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."

Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!

Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!

Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

Anyone know about the war? It's not Russia we should hate, it's Putin that we should. 🙄🤪💅

Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?

Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!

The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.

Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

I know, I'm going to hell!

Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!

When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!

Later!

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.