Kids Jokes

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

*in the hospital*

Paralyzed kid: I'm out!

*walks out the room*

Blind kid: You can walk?!

Mute kid: You can see?!

Deaf kid: You can talk?!

Doctor: Wut the f**k?

Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?

My friend: What?

Me: The Suicide Squad.

What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?

A home button.

Sniffs kids

The image shows a toy action figure box with the text SLEEPY JOE ACTION FIGURE written on it. Inside the box, there is a depiction of Joe Biden with his head slumped forward. Below it, the text reads BATTERIES *NOT* INCLUDED and a warning that the item contains socialism. Below that in a separate text box, is the text JUST ADD AAA BATTERIES AND HE SHITS HIS PANTS. In the upper right corner it reads NEW FOR CHRISTMAS: THE SLEEP JOE INACTION FIGURE. There is a red and white target circle with a blue dart to the right of the figure box.

Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.

Sadly, he didn't see it coming.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus!

What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have a touchy feeling for kids.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.

You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.

I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

A kid named Billy gets his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money, and his wallet taken by his father.

The father then gets all the money taken from him by the bully’s grandfather along with his own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by Billy along with his own wallet.

So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?

"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."

How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?

They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"

What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?

The Las Vegas shooting.

A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.

Why?

The kid had no legs.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.