Kids jokes

When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Orphan: What's a mama?

Random kid: *shook*

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

What do starving kids call Venetian blinds?

Bunk beds.

What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?

Bored games.

I eat kids.

I like my kids like I like my lamps.

Hung from the ceiling.

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?

The Parkland kids.

What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.

Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.

They never get old.

A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.

Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus!

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?

My friend: What?

Me: The Suicide Squad.

Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.

Sadly, he didn't see it coming.