Kids jokes
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
Hello, if you don't know me (which you probably don't), my name is watersharky, or WS, or Shark.
I am a normal, weird kid/preteen, and that's it. If you want more info on me, I will gladly share! Shark out.
What is the most annoying thing your parents say to you, and what is the dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you?
The most annoying thing your parents can say: "Finish your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa!" No, you can't have any dessert until you finish your dinner. (See how annoying that is!)
The dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you: "Why is your name Crayla? Why is your last name Goldburg? Is it like a gold bird!" (That is really annoying if you ask me!)
Thanks for reading this...bye!
What does an Emo kid and Ted Bundy have in common?
They're both gay and use knives.
A depressed kid tried to give a tree a high-five, but the tree left him hanging.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped? Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!
Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡
Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
Why don’t orphans and Chinese kids play baseball. The orphans can’t find home and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
I got detention yesterday because I called the group of emo kids the suicide squad.