Kids jokes

I like my kids like I like my lamps. Hung from the ceiling.

Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they're the ones who made the toys.

Kid: Mom, do trees poop?

Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.

Why can't two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

What are the kids addicted to these days? Juulius Caesar (Juuls).

If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree, it leaves them hanging.

Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.

Kid: So what? At least they love me more.

What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.

"Fortnite balls, I'm gay. I like boys. I kidnap autistic kids. Lil Mosey is white."

The humor of this generation of kids shouldn't be called 'brain rot'; it should be called 'brain rape.' I believe most people of this generation that aren't 5-year-olds could agree with me, but my mind and thoughts have been violated by the things that kids these days find funny and entertaining. #SKIBIDDI

Me: Where's your mom?

Kid: [cries]

Me: [leaving from the adoption center]

What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?

A baked potato.

Why did the legless kid think he won a race? Because everybody already left.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.