Kids jokes

Yo mama so stupid, she told the police a kid raped her.

What game do emo kids hate the most?

Life.

Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.

Kid: Runs home.

A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...

If you know, you know.

What’s kid Among Us?

Sugoma dik!

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

Why are school shootings branded “very American”?

1. They usually happen in the USA.

2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.

I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.

What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?

The depressay expressay.

Just kidding, bleach!

These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.

Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?

He made the cut.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they all sit in the dark.

One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

I made Google Earth for orphan kids.

Sadly, it does not show where home is.

The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid. While the shooter tries to shoot him, the emo kid dodges the bullets like in the Matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots himself.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They can't see their parents.

I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.

They said: "Because I lost my parents."

I said: "Let's find them."

They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.

What makes Mrs. Grape 🍇 a good mother?

Raisin' her kids!

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...