Kids jokes
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
What falls first, an apple or an Emo kid?
An apple, because the Emo has a rope holding them.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?
It was the Happy Meal.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
I kicked a soccer ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then I yelled, "Rocket League!"
I pushed the disabled kid into a fire, then called him "Hot Wheels."
I would stop bullying the orphan kid, what's he gonna do? Cry to his mommy?
Kid me: I lost my stick.
Teacher: No, you didn’t.
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.
I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.
Oh, I just love talking to orphans.
I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.
What do you call a squad of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
I got detention yesterday because I called the group of emo kids the suicide squad.
One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!