Kids jokes
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"
Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
Alle kinder hedder Rune, undtagen Kurt, han hedder Rune.
All the kids are named Rune, except Kurt, he is named Rune.
I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.
I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?
Drool.
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.