Kids jokes
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.
I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
In middle school, we had to create words with magnet letters. Some kid laid the word "Animal Therapist". I changed one space and got sent home :/
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
What do kids play when they have nothing else to do?
Bored games.