Keep

Keep jokes

Why did the ACLU block the cellphone number of a Christian nationalist minister? Because the Christian nationalist had a virus on his cellphone and kept calling the ACLU because he wanted to join the ACLU because he wanted to become a card-carrying member of the ACLU.

  • 1

    • How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?

    Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.

  • 0

    • Why did the heterosexual woman try to put a mask 😷 on her pussy? She wanted to protect herself from covid, but she did try to put a mask 😷 on her dildo, but the mask 😷 keep falling off the dildo.

  • 0

    • Last night I had the strangest dream!

    I sailed away to China!

    And I caught the coronavirus!

    You said you needed to wash your hands!

    Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!

    And you said!!

    Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!

    Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!

    Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!

    Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.

    One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.

    The reason that girls are not allowed in boys' treehouses is because girls can't keep their mouths shut about boys taking turns sucking each other's hotdogs.

  • 3

    • Why does former president Donald J. Trump still want the Mexican government to help him to build a wall to keep them out because he is a Christian nationalist on steroids?

    When a girl was having an asthma attack, Ariana said, "Just keep breathing and breathing and breathin!!!!!"

    Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...

    A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"

    "My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"

    They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"

    "Grandma farted and the house blew up!"

    A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.

    The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.

  • 3

    • Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

    Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

    Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

    Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

    The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.

    Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!

    I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.

  • 3