Joke jokes
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
What did the penis say to its pee?
"Urine."
What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.
What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.
Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.
Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."
Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"
"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."
"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"
I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.
To bitch them is my real test, to train them is my cause.
I will travel across the land, searching far and wide.
Fuse Pokemon to UnderStand, the power thatโs inside.
Poke him on! Gotta train them all itโs Fru and me, All I know is my dress tiny, Poke him on! Yeah, youโre my best friend, In a world you must defend, Poke him on! Gotta train them all my shirts so true, My outrage will flush us through. You bitch me and I ditch you, P-O-K-E-M-O-N!!! Gotta train them all, Gotta train them all! Pokemon!
Biden is a joke. Trump is AMAZINGLY AWESOME!
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.
The little boy says, โHey, you see that? Iโm gonna go ask Daddy what it is.โ When the little boy asks his dad, he says, โWell, son, thatโs your car. You try to park it in a girlโs parking spot.โ
As the boy runs back, he seeโs the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, โWell, thatโs your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.โ When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
Why did my boyfriend leave me?
Because he's gay.
But why did he come back to me?
Because I'm actually a guy :-)
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?
He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"
Why were the Twin Towers knocked over? Chuck Norris was leaning on one of them.