Joke jokes

There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.

I don't even know why to joke about America, it's a joke itself TO THE FUCKING EARTH!

Why is the koala not a bear?

It doesn't have the right koalafications.

I find all these obese jokes horrible.

Don't you think they have enough on their plate?

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.

This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.

What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?

"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."

I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"

He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."

I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.

What do orphans need in order to mail letters?

Food stamps.

Why is 3 such a helpful number? Because 3 helped out on a science project 4 5!

I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."

JK.

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?

One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!

Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.

What did the sun say to the Earth?

"Am I hot?"

Why did the Indian cross the road?

Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.

It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"

What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?