Joke jokes
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
Fortnite is good.
(Awesome joke, right?)
What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?
I don't know. I forgot.
What is one word orphans can't spell?
Family.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not your dad?"
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
What are the 3 shortest words in the English language?
“Is It In?”
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?
She closes the car door.
What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
I can only fit three fingers inside the bowling ball.
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...
I wish my grass was edgy...
then it would cut itself...
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows. No body, nose.
Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can and I asked her what she was doing and she said moving.