Joke jokes
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
My friend died from Ligma!
Ligma balls.
I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?... You crack me up.
What's the difference between an orphan and Stuart Little?
Stuart Little got chosen!
How do people grade pedophiles?
1st grade to 8th grade.
(I know it's orphan jokes but still)
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To get to the real estate agent.
I found a rock at the park. I threw it at some orphans.
What would they do? Go to their family?
My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
What's the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
The criminal is wanted.
Why are orphans so lucky?
Every crisp packet is family sized.
What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.
Why was the orphan confused at the baseball game?
They kept yelling, "Go home!"
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."