Joke jokes
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson’s?
Because it’s a family company.