Joke jokes
What noise did Steven Hawking make when he died?
Windows shutting down.
Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Yeah, me too.
I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.