Joke jokes
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.
Onions was such a good dog!
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
Why is April the smartest month?
It can never be fooled.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.